


you and I were fireworks

by casdoms (moffwithhishead)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Near Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moffwithhishead/pseuds/casdoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel frowns and seems to hesitate for a moment before saying quietly, "Dean. I..." He trails off and he looks away guiltily.</p><p>It occurs to Dean suddenly that Cas is nervous. </p><p>"If I could -" Castiel tries again and makes a slightly frustrated noise, like he's having a hard time make his mouth say the right words. Dean knows the feeling.</p><p>He takes a step closer to Dean and gives him a determined look, his hands closed into tight fists at his sides. </p><p>"If I had a choice, I - it would be you," he says quietly after a moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you and I were fireworks

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to write a thing that could totally fit into the show as to how they finally become canon but I think this got a little bit too feelings-y on Cas' part for the writers to swallow... anyway, here, have this thing. Set some time before the show ends. Not too far off in the future.
> 
> not really any warnings this time.

_I wish I'd known how much you loved me_   
_I wish I cared enough to know_   
_I'm sorry every song's about you_   
_The torture of small talk with someone you used to love_

**"Fourth of July" by Fall Out Boy**

* * *

 

 

Dean hates this part of a job.

The hunt's done, the monster's dead, the people are safe, and he's gotta drive a couple hours back to the bunker just to leave again in a few days.

It's also, generally, the part when Cas disappears for a few weeks. 

He sighs and looks up at the clouds, leaning back against the Impala. It's going to be dark soon and he'll never admit it, but he doesn't feel as comfortable as he used to driving at night. He probably needs glasses. 

He grimaces and kicks a rock absently, for lack of anything better to do.

Castiel's feet come into view after a moment and he hesitates before moving to rest against the Impala next to Dean.

He's close, maybe a little too close, and it makes his whole body buzz with anticipation for something that will never happen. Makes his heart beat a little faster, his palms a little sweaty.

"Sam is just finishing up with the owner of the house," Castiel's voice diverts Dean's train of thought and makes him look up at the other man.

Cas' eyes are focused on something in the distance and Dean studies the side of his face carefully, memorizing it. It's changed a little since Cas lost his grace the first time. Gotten a little tanner, a little rougher, a few more laugh lines. He's not sure when they'll see each other again and he wants to make sure he remembers as much of Cas' face as he can. 

"Good," he says eventually and clears his throat. Dean looks back down at his feet and kicks the ground again, "Fucker should be gone for good but you never know with old houses like this. Especially since some dumb fuck decided to build it on a three- _hundred_  year old cemetery." 

"Yes," Castiel hums quietly, "Hopefully this family will be safe for a long time." 

They're both quiet after that. Their shoulders bump a few times as they watch the sun set.

When Sam comes out of the house they all quietly get into the Impala, exhausted from three days of digging and getting their asses kicked by an angry old woman who died 200 years ago.

The drive back to the motel is punctuated by Sam turning on the radio and the sound of laptop keys typing away. He's been doing that a lot lately. Taking notes on every case, making sure they document as much of what they did as they can. 

Cas sits in the back seat on his phone, possibly texting Claire to make sure she's doing okay. It makes Dean smile to himself.

Sam bids them goodnight when they get to the motel and hugs Cas, telling him to be safe and to remember to call if he ever needs anything. Cas smiles and promises that he'll talk to Sam soon. 

Dean sits down on the Impala's back bumper and crosses his legs to give himself something to rest on. He wants to go inside and crash for the next twelve hours but he can't bring himself to move yet. Not when Cas is standing there checking his phone again, his face lit by the screen and the moonlight. 

He's getting older. They both are.

And lately Dean's been feeling sentimental. After everything with the Mark and Cas' Grace and Metatron and just -  _everything_  they've been through, he's been making a point to be in the moment a little bit more.

His life can be impressively shitty at times but he has a home now. His relationship with Sam is far from perfect, but they're getting better. The monsters have slowed down, there are less hunts and less innocent people dying. The two people he loves most in the world are alive and well and as safe as they can be in their line of work. 

Cas catches him staring and gives Dean a curious look.

A small smile finds its way onto Dean's face and he just shrugs in answer.

His best friend walks over to him and clears his throat a little, "I suppose I should go." 

Dean's still smiling but his chest aches a little. He leans back against the trunk, rests his elbows on the open edges, "You don't have to go, you know." He tries to keep his voice casual but he looks down at his boots just in case. There's blood all over them, probably his, and that's going to be a bitch to clean up later. 

"I know you've got angel business to take care of, fences to mend or whatever, but, um -" He hesitates, licks his lips. "If you ever, y'know. Get tired of it or something. We've got room in the bunker."

He wonders if Cas knows that he has a room in the bunker. He wonders if Cas knows that it's got a memory foam mattress and a picture on the bedside table.

Castiel smiles to himself and shifts on his feet a little, "Thank you, Dean. I... I may have to take you up on that one day soon." 

Dean looks up at Cas and relaxes just a little bit, offering him a small smile.

The moment ends abruptly though when he pushes himself up off of the bunker and sniffs as he runs a hand over his face. He tries not to feel a little hurt that Cas always has somewhere better to be.

It doesn't feel like he's trying to avoid Dean. Really, it doesn't. 

"So," he clears his throat and looks at Castiel head-on, his face carefully blank. Whatever he was going to say dies on his tongue when he sees the look Castiel's face. It's the same look he gave Dean after purgatory.

"What?" He snaps a little too quickly. He was too close to saying it. And now Cas is looking at him like he knows, like he can see every single thought running through his head right now.

Castiel frowns and seems to hesitate for a moment before saying quietly, "Dean. I..." He trails off and he looks away guiltily.

It occurs to Dean suddenly that Cas is  _nervous_. 

"If I could -" Castiel tries again and makes a slightly frustrated noise, like he's having a hard time make his mouth say the right words. Dean knows the feeling.

He takes a step closer to Dean and gives him a determined look, his hands closed into tight fists at his sides. 

"If I had a choice, I - it would be you," he says quietly after a moment. 

Dean stops breathing for a moment.

"For better or for worse, I am partly at fault for the angels falling," Cas continues. "And they are my family, Dean. Despite the differences we've had, despite the fact that many of them wish me nothing but death..." 

He lets all of the air out of his lungs and deflates a little bit, "I have to  _try,_ Dean. I have to at least attempt to help them, otherwise I fear that I would not be much different than Metatron." 

Dean opens his mouth to tell Cas that's crazy but his friend fixes him with a stern look and he promptly shuts his mouth. 

"It is dangerous work and it is lonely-" 

Cas sounds so  _tired_  when he says it, looks so beaten down and sad, that Dean sets a hand on his shoulder.

"But it is  _necessary_. I know that I can't fix everything that I broke but I would like to know that if nothing else, I  _tried_." 

He looks up at the sky abruptly, focuses on the stars.

"I don't know if I will ever reach a point where I can stop," he admits with a healthy dose of guilt in his voice. "But -"

He closes his eyes for a moment before looking at Dean again, his expression nothing short of pathetically apologetic, "If I had a choice... it would be you." 

Dean's throat feels thick and he  _hates_  how his voice cracks when he says, "Cas..." 

"I have never  _wanted_  to be human, Dean."

His smile is a little wistful, a little regretful. 

"I was miserable. I experienced how kind humanity can be, how awful... I got to experience things as a human that I could never as an angel."

He shakes his head a little bit and looks back down at the ground, his hands shoved gracelessly into his pockets, "I think I would have enjoyed it more if I had gotten to experience humanity with you." 

" _Cas_..." 

Again, Dean's voice sounds rough and thick with too many emotions, and he runs a hand through his hair, "Why...?" 

He doesn't trust himself to ask what he wants to -  _why are you telling me this? Why are you leaving if that's true? Why don't you stop? Why don't you come home, stop putting yourself in harms way? Why don't you want to stay with me?_  

Castiel looks a little bit sheepish as he actually shrugs, and seeing the other man mimic behaviors that he learned from Dean is never not going to throw him through a loop. 

"I suppose I wanted to make sure you knew," is all he says in response. 

Dean's staring at him with a mix of awe and disbelief on his face, his mouth hanging open, and it makes Cas chuckle. 

He reaches forward and gently grabs Dean's wrist, moving a few of his fingers to touch his palm, "If I had to choose, Dean Winchester, I would choose you." 

Cas moves forward and rests a hand on the back of Dean's neck, gently resting their foreheads together.

It grounds Dean in a way that scares him a little but he closes his eyes and smiles a little bit. "Yeah, well..." he mumbles as he moves his hand to twine their fingers together, "Me too."

The corner of Cas' mouth quirks up in a small smile as his voice rumbles through Dean, "You too?"

Dean opens his eyes and he surprises himself with how reverent his answer is.

"Yeah, Cas... me too." 

* * *

Their first kiss (since purgatory) is at one in the morning on a Sunday night in the middle of fuck-all nowhere. 

It's quicker than they'd like it to be but it's real and it happened and they'll take what they can get for now.

Cas leaves not long after that and promises he'll text Dean updates as many chances as he gets. He hopes that he'll keep that promise this time.

When Dean wakes up around ten the next morning where he's laying face first in the gross motel bed and everything including his shoes on, he notices that he has a text message.

_**I miss you too. C** _

**Author's Note:**

> I think Dean and Cas at _the very least_ **kissed** in purgatory in the show. Something happened down there and you can't tell me otherwise.
> 
> find me on tumblr at samerasure


End file.
